Blakely taking job in Atlantis

By Chuck Alexander

The Levee underwater correspondent

In a stunning development, the city of New Orleans’ Executive Director for Recovery Management, Dr. Edward Blakely Jr., has announced his resignation to accept a similar position – heading recovery efforts in the fabled Lost City of Atlantis.

“Too bad, so sad. I quit. Now you’re all screwed,” Blakely told reporters during a news conference in the sweltering heat inside City Hall.

When asked what prompted the surprise move, Blakely said he had reviewed his current position with the city and that offered by Atlantis and found the latter to hold much more promise.

“I had received a letter ... a scroll really ... from King Hermocrates of Atlantis offering me the position about three weeks ago,” Blakely said. “I informed the King that it was a good thing they finally got off their gills and contacted me, as I am one of only two or three people in the world who can solve their problem.”

Blakely stressed that “a better political working environment” is what led him to accept the position with the sunken kingdom – believed to have fallen into the Atlantic in a single day and a single night of misfortune, much like New Orleans.

“I was taking a bike ride through Lakeview yesterday,” Blakely said, “and I thought to myself, ‘This area should be better.’ That’s when I decided to take my chances with the fish people.”

When pressed for comment, New Orleans Mayor C. Ray Nagin again said the city’s recovery is well under way and that losing Blakely would not be a major concern.

“Besides, I took his diary while he was asleep,” Nagin said. “I got all his plans, all his hopes, his dreams, too. Brotha’s got a weird obsession with hands, but not to worry, we're all set, brah.”

When asked if he was surprised at the move, Nagin said he was briefly taken aback by the announcement, but has since recovered from the shock of losing the man some have said is the city’s only chance at rebuilding.

“Am I surprised by the move? Yes. Do I wish it hadn't played out like this? Definitely. Do I think this is all part of a wider conspiracy to keep us from moving forward? That’s a question for them.”

Nagin denied that his reference to “them” was a swipe at whites in an attempt to enflame racial tensions to fool blacks into thinking he has aptly served them as he considers running for governor and, more importantly, recasts himself as a national civil rights leader despite having no accomplishments in that area.

His spokeswoman, Ceeon Quiett, interjected, insisting the mayor was referring to the “Fishfolk.” Many inside the mayor’s office believe the “Fishfolk” have become another of the mayor’s delusions, and that he believes they want to see us fail.

Quiett, who in her second year on the job still retains the worst last name of anyone in her field, said the mayor expects to lure a planner of equal quality from Atlantis once the city sees some federal money.

Quiett, who at this point in the news conference was barely audible while trying to push the mayor away from the microphone, conceded that the mayor plans to use that federal money to buy several tons of fishing line and bait.

“With any luck I will have caught us a new recovery czar within the next 10 to 15 years,” the mayor interjected.

“I hear they’re biting on nightcrawlers out in the Atlantic,” he said, before cocksuredly walking offstage and ordering Quiett to add that to his list of accomplishments.

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