Katrina the Clown
mulls running the show

It can be said that Katrina wouldn't be
the first one to lead City Hall

By Damian Tatum
and Rudy M. Vorkapic

The Levee Big Top writers

Following last month’s surprise announcement that City Council President Arnie Fielkow will not run for mayor, the upcoming election appears to be wide open, with no strong contenders.

This has left the door open for Levee mascot Katrina the Clown, who sources say is carefully weighing her options and has opened an exploratory campaign headquarters on the ninth barstool from the windows at Molly’s at the Market bar in the French Quarter.

“While Katrina has no comment at this time – and not just because she’s mute – we can confirm that she has been in meetings with advisers since Arnie Fielkow’s withdrawal and is closely following the mayoral race,” said Rita Bendin-LaBonk, Katrina’s recently appointed media juggler.

“Katrina is also going through a bit of withdrawal as she cleans up her act and prepares for a possible mayoral run,” Bendin-LaBonk said.

“Like outgoing Mayor C. Ray Nagin, who inspired Katrina to follow city government, Katrina is prepared to bring the proper respect to the position. Her legendary hard-charging days and nights and weekends and weeks and months and years and a lifetime really of drinking and whoring are behind her since Wednesday, or Thursday, but those are just a few attributes that should serve her well in politics.”

Despite official downplaying from the Katrina camp, sources close to the mute, alcoholic harlequin say her mind has been made up for her.

“When she thought about the good she could do, and that there’s a city credit card to put drinks, dinners and trips on, she put her drink down, and nodded yes to running,” said one source who gained “intimate knowledge” of Katrina’s campaign strategy after spending Wednesday night with her.

“The people courting her to run, who are among the city’s most prominent clowns and buffoons, hired a policy director, Ike Rumba, to begin mapping out her platform, and she’s got a team of mimes doing daily push polls,” the source said.

“Ever get a call around 6 p.m. with no voice on the other end of the line?” the source said. “That was probably them.”

Fielkow’s announcement came just weeks after Lt. Gov. and former mayoral candidate Mitch Landrieu declared he would not pursue the office in 2010. With Fielkow and Landrieu out, and Mayor Ray Nagin unable to run again because of term limits, not to mention a possible stint in federal prison, no strong front-runner has emerged.

Currently declared candidates include state Sen. Ed Murray, state Rep. Austin Badon, and community activist James Perry. According to conventional wisdom, none of them has the public record of corruption, moral compromise, shady business dealings, moral lapses, or total incompetence necessary to be taken seriously in the New Orleans mayoral race.

Murray, however, has raised the most money and has been the most visible candidate, recently airing two-minute-long TV commercials that observers agree left viewers still wondering what he’s been doing for 18 years in the legislature.

Badon, a likeable and charismatic individual, has borrowed Chicago’s city mantra of, “The City That Works,” and scaled it down for New Orleans. His campaign catch phrase is the more general, “A City That Works.”

Perry recently filed a lawsuit on behalf of all New Orleans residents, challenging Nagin’s no-bid awarding of hundreds of thousands of dollars of legal contracts to out-of-state law firms to defend the mayor in numerous ongoing City Hall investigations.

“That’s no way to endear yourself to corporate donors,” one election expert said.

Others potential candidates still sitting on the sidelines include millionaire John Georges, hundred-thousandaire-or-so Rob Couhig, former City Councilman Eddie Sapir, former Civil Court Judge Nadine Ramsey and jazz trumpeter Irvin Mayfield. Qualifying for the spring election ends Dec. 11 for the primary election on Feb. 6.

Of those, political experts agree Georges is looking to buy an election, Couhig already has given one away to Nagin, and Sapir angered residents with a huge, cryptic sign reading “Eddie,” which put fear in the hearts of many that disgraced former District Attorney Eddie Jordan was returning to office.

Ramsey, who recently resigned her judgeship fueling speculation she will run for mayor, has never had an opponent in three elections for judge. And as for Mayfield, residents seem to universally agree it would be better to have a mayor who blows a horn instead of smoke.

Local political observers for a short time were thrilled by the possibility of Sean Hunter, now-former aviation director at Louis Armstrong International Airport, running for mayor.

Hunter’s wife is under investigation for insurance fraud, and the effort to privatize the airport led Hunter to resign last month under odd circumstances. However, Hunter’s fuzzy airport future and rumors of criminality in the family apparently did not rise to the level necessary for a mayoral run.

He has since renounced any interest in fielding a campaign, though his wife denies his statements.

The lack of a strong candidate this far into the qualifying season apparently has emboldened Katrina.

Local political analysts are split on the possible effect of the clown’s entrance into the political arena.

“Buffoons, dolts, wits, wags and fools are nothing new in this city’s electoral history,” UNO political scientist Bruce Iggo said. “However, it would be uncommon to see a candidate who has never spoken in public, or anywhere else, win high office.

“Then again, after Nagin, a mayor who can’t speak could be an asset,” he said.

Iggo added that although Katrina enjoys “incomparable name recognition” and can be expected to poll well among “idiots and the senile,” she may struggle to attract a wide following due to her race.

“We don’t know what she is,” Iggo said. “We’re not even really sure she’s a she.”

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